Surviving the Mental Load of Motherhood During the Holiday Season

Actionable ways to de-stress including a printable to-do list for nighttime thoughts before bed

You may remember my conversation with Regina Lark about emotional labor and how it’s unique to woman a few months ago. For those that are unfamiliar with it, here is the definition of emotional labor:

the mental activity required to manage or perform the routine tasks necessary for maintaining relationships and ensuring smooth running of a household or process, typically regarded as an unappreciated or unacknowledged burden borne disproportionately by women.

If you took the time to jot down all of the tasks that wander through your mind throughout the course of one day, how many pages would you fill? I jotted down my list this morning and it looks something like this:

I find emotional labor to be one of the most difficult things to manage within a relationship. You can’t connect your brain with your partners and it becomes tedious to create this never ending, always changing running to-do list. Sometimes I find it way easier to just manage tasks in my head rather than to assign them to myself or my partner for the week.

“Women may use power more benevolently than men simply because they are better equipped to practice emotional labor.” - National Institutes of Health - Heavier Lies Her Crown: Gendered Patterns of Leader Emotional Labor and Their Downstream Effects

If I am being honest, I barely manage the mental load during the year, never mind during the holiday season. The mental load of getting the perfect gift for everyone that needs one, gift wrapping, holiday celebrations all on top of the regular load of activities is daunting. This is supposed to be a season of peace and a time to take it all in. I have an incredibly difficult time doing that with each passing year…..

So what is the solution?